They Will Pass
by Lifehousefanatic2011
Summary: Alice has a hard time in high school. Guy after guy hurts her, and she turns a pretty dark direction. Can one honestly kind southern man bring her back to happiness?Will she by committed to an asylum for insanity? Will she let him help her after how many times she's been hurt? What ill happen to the delightful little pixie? RESTART OF TWP I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY IT ENDED.
1. Chapter 1

_Prologue_

Looking around, it doesn't look like a psychiatrists office. It looks like a normal place. It doesn't seem like a home to crazy people. Is it even right to call them crazy? Most of them have just been hurt, they're just different. You get to know some of the people walking down these halls, which I have. I walk these halls frequently and many of them never stop talking whether you are listening and engaging them or not. You get to know them, and you know they aren't _normal_. But I'm not normal either. I'm different too. I've been hurt too.

A lot of people say the best way to move on from your past is to face it. So long I've tried to run from mine. It's like, your past Emmett only chase you _if_ you run from it, like a dog. It only continues to pester you if you continue to give it any kind of attention, be it positive or negative. So maybe it's time I face mine. I don't know. I've gotten pretty good at running from it, the scars on my wrists make that task a little bit harder, but add long sleeves and poof! problem gone. I wish I could say I'm okay now. But the tendencies still come, and the memories still hold me back a bit. It still affects my life.

I guess it isn't really a surprise how I ended up here, how I got to be in this place. How I got to be the person I am now, and it isn't a fun tale. So if you would like to exit now I won't take offense. This isn't your story, this isn't your burden. This is mine. And this is how I try and deal with it, in a more _constructive _manner.

It's time for the past to go where it belongs. In the past.

_**August, 2012**_

_ I walked through the doors of the school, still bewildered I had driven here and made it. I had gotten my license in August, and I had a nervous smile in the picture because they had taken it before the test. I was somewhat thankful for that though, because I wanted to pull my long blonde hair out of my face for the test, but leave it down in the picture. So it was a win win in the end. I sucked in a deep breath and walked to the hall my locker was in. I dropped off my school supplies and went to my homeroom to get my finalized schedule. The teacher barked her commands at us when the bell rang and I ended up getting a seat next to Savannah. I was glad it was alphabetical. That meant David was with me too, so I was at least surrounded by friendly faces. _

_ David was a fun tale, my ex boyfriend's cousin. My unstable ex's cousin, whom lived in the same house as my ex. _

_ A love story gone wrong in short. We fell in "love" freshman year in high school and he said he would marry me one day. He was my first love, so I fooled myself into thinking it would last. Sophomore year started and he wanted to meet all my friends and be part of every small part of my life, and I wasn't ready for that, and it worried me. So after eight months together, I broke it off. He yelled things at me, he said I never cared about him at all. He called me a liar. I did still care about him, and the words stung more than any reprimanding my parents ever gave me, because he had truly given up on me. I cried a lot the following weeks, and worse yet, I forced myself to still eat lunch at his table, because Edward was the only friend I knew of in that lunch. After all was said and done, I heard from my friends that they always did get a bad vibe from him, yet no one had the nerve to tell me. I felt hurt by them, hurt by him, and betrayed by everyone. I worked my way back to trusting people, and one of the first that came to me was David. _

_ He opened his arms to me, and was honest with me and talked to me and made me smile again. A way I hadn't since I broke up with my ex. He lifted the bricks from my back that told me what I did was wrong before. He asked me out, and I foolishly said yes, though my over cautious, soft brown-eyed mother told me it was a bad idea. My gut-feeling gave me warnings I never heeded too. He asked me out right before school ended, the same time the previous year that my ex had asked me out. I went over to his house, and he greeted me at the door. As we were walking away, I had seen my ex, and seen a look in his eye that subconsciously had me picking up the pace. _

_ The next time I saw my ex, he wasn't around David. He glared at me with an intensity I had never seen him have before. It frightened me instantly and I turned to leave. He grabbed my arm and shoved me against the wall. His mouth moved but I was unable to pick up the words through the shock of this behavior. He must have sensed me not listening, and he struck me across the face. My brain snapped out of it's haze and I ducked under his arm and ran. _

_ I avoided him for as long as I could, but when I couldn't it was the same, pushed against the wall rough enough for purple splotchiness to become the permanent image of my back, and for my face to need far too much cover up to hide the bruising that marred my cheeks. It continued for a couple weeks, and I was able to keep it a secret from everyone. My attitude slipped into a depressive state, and I didn't care about much of anything over that summer. I signed up for a suicidal amount of upper level classes. Four advanced placement college level classes and one honors and guitar for kicks. I wanted to keep myself as busy as possible. I got a job at McDonalds and worked a lot during the Summer, an excellent excuse not to go out, and a good way to keep my ex's anger down. _


	2. Chapter 2

_ I walked through the doors of the school, coming from my car, my car, such a weird thought for me now. I ducked into the bathroom quickly to check my touch-up job on my cheek. David and I hadn't been together for some time now, but it didn't stop the anger, something I didn't understand. I looked into my reflection, my reflection. This wasn't mine. It was who I was. If it showed me, it would show a dead girl. Instead, she's perfectly normal, just a dullness to her brown eyes, eyes that used to shine. I sighed, a shine that had once been for a love for life, a love for just plain simple joy, a shine that intensified when I laughed. Eyes are the windows to the soul. If that is true, it makes sense as to why mine are empty. What could possibly be in them? Besides a void where love and trust once were. I turned to the door, my posture slumped, my blonde hair tied back messily in my tom boy outfit. I sat surrounded by my "friends," by her friends, the girl I used to be, and continued to pretend I was. The one I wish my life could go back and be, but I knew never truly could. I listened to the conversations around me, the muffled chitter chatter of mindless teenagers returning from summer break. The bell rang and the teacher barked her commands to us more and handed us a single sheet of yellow paper. It held our schedules. We had a few minutes to talk quietly, and I compared my schedule with her friends, who gaped at the difficulty level saying she, I, would die. I laughed, an empty sound to my ears, but one that fooled them nonetheless. _

_ The bell rang and I proceeded to my first class, AP United States History, APUSH as we called it for short. I walked into the classroom of the alleged best History teacher at my school and he placed us in a seating chart. I took out my notebook when I sat down, one of the first to be seated due to my last name being Brandon. My hand shook as I attempted to write my name, I glared at the appendage, willing it to still itself. As if I had control over it. I couldn't even control my life, how could I possibly control anything else? I put down the pencil and waited for the teacher to finish his chart. I looked down at my schedule, _

_1st - A.P. United States History - Ragland_

_2nd - Guitar - Atenhan_

_Homeroom - Kim_

_3rd - Study hall - Finley_

_4th - A.P. Calculus AB - Swanson_

_5th - A.P. Biology - Thompson_

_6th - French II Honors - King_

_7th - English III A.P. - Crawford_

_A true suicide mission in the eyes of everyone I had told. But at least the higher level classes assured I wouldn't have any classes with Jesse. I spaced staring down at the line that said study hall, what were the chances we would have that together? Slim to none. I hoped. I knew some familiar faces in APUSH at least, I had a feeling I was going to fail that class, but I didn't care, standard would've put me at risk of having a class with Jesse. I wasn't making that Laurent any greater if I had a choice. There was no advanced study hall, no option at all. _

_ I was glad there was a small break in my schedule of hard classes. The bell rang and I ducked out of class quickly, moving on to my next one. I walked past the stairwell and was roughly pulled backwards into it. I felt my textbook digging into my back from the pressure the wall put on my bag._

_ "How's your first day been precious?" _

_ "I need to get to class," my voice barely came out. He had his hands on my shoulders, and his grip tightened at my words. A teacher walked into the stairwell and he released me like the contact had burned him. He grasped my hand and drug me out and into the public hallway once again. _

_ "So where are you going lovely?" He asked, patronizingly affectionate with the words. My anger flared inside, a feeling I had long accomplished suppressing in his presence, for it only ever made things worse when he had me alone. _

_ "Guitar." My simple one word response. His brown eyes flicked to me in annoyance and his pace quickened down the hall. We walked into the commons area, mob area in my opinion, and I darted off into it, leaving him behind. I knew I would pay for it later, but I could only focus on escaping the present moment. I slowed my pace as the people thinned out and I entered the A hallway, the arts and gym hall. I slid inside my class and followed the same standard procedure. Get your seat, go through a charade of getting to know your new classmates, get the rundown of the course and the classroom rules, all of which are the same, and all of which are ignored. My heart-rate quickened when the bell rang and I knew I would face the only possible class that could collide with Jesse. With six other different ones how likely could it be that his study hall is in the same time and place as mine? Not very good according to some quick formulating I did. But there still was the slim Laurent he would... One I hope with every thread of my being wouldn't happen. _

_ I didn't have any homework yet, so study hall would be painfully slow anyway. I stood in the classroom, watching the door with owl eyes as each person entered. Each one frightening me, and leaving me relieved it wasn't the greasy black haired boy I dreaded seeing. The final bell rang, and the teacher began the seating chart. I nearly collapsed to the ground at the stress that fell off my shoulders at that exact moment. I gratefully took my seat when the teacher called my name to it, and I plugged in my ipod to enter my trance for the next forty minutes or so of the boring period. _

_ I went to calculus the next period, the only Junior in the entire class. It was saddening to see my friend Bella was not in my class. The only other Junior grade girl taking calculus AB besides myself period. So basically I was on my own, as always. What else could I expect? I've been on my own through this whole experience, ever since things went to hell I took it upon myself to handle it. To take it until I could leave it. And there I was, taking more than I could possibly handle and maintaining a small semblance of outward normalcy to those around me. _

_ The rest of the day, was uneventful. I escaped having lunch with Jesse also, another blessing, one of two I had received since this started. But not the last, and certainly not the best one I would receive. _

_ I hid in the girls' restroom until the buses left, because I knew Jesse couldn't drive. The coast clear for my to return to my house, I went out to my car. Grateful to go to a place I could call safe. During the day that is... When the lights went out and the activity died down, I returned to the hell I lived. It haunted my thoughts and even my sanctum of my dreams. I shook off that unfortunate fact and cranked up the radio, shattering my thoughts. A danger as a driver to have thoughts scrambled? Probably. But a greater danger to myself was to dwell longer on a problem I didn't need to think about currently. _

_ It was Thursday, an odd day to go back to school, but better than sending us straight into a full week. I already felt like I had been hit by a truck as it was, and it was only day one. I didn't enjoy having study hall 3rd, it was too early in the day. I preferred it 7th, like last year. So I had all my homework and I could get as much as possible done and take the rest home. Instead of sitting like a dead beat in study hall and then working a lot when I got home, also not remembering what I had done at school since homework was hours after class. _

_ Walking in the door, I tossed down my bag and toed off my shoes. My brain felt fried and in no way up for homework yet. I opened my laptop, my refuge away from the world I lived in. I checked my media sites, updated on my bands, read, and avoided any thoughts about the earlier hours. It reached dinner time and I sat with her family again, I couldn't call them my family, to say that would insinuate they understood who I had become now, and they had no idea. As far as any of them knew, my ex was simply that, an ex I didn't talk to, didn't have interactions with, didn't have physical altercations with on a daily basis. They were a family of the girl with the perfect life, the one who didn't even realize her life was perfect. They were my family before I filled my life with secrets, my parents don't know who their daughter is, my sisters don't know who I am anymore either. It aches to know I can't even trust them. Who can I trust? My answer was the internet. Who did I talk to? Strangers online. Ones who didn't have any value in my life, but were an outlet for someone to know I'm out there enduring this malevolent behavior. People that I could shut out at any point in time, and never speak to again. Their opinion of my situation didn't matter, but them being there to hear it was what kept me sane sometimes. _

_ My mother asked us how school went, my youngest sister gave a long play by play of the entire day and how fun it was, my middle sister demonstrated how awful new schools were and how much she hated it, and I gave a generic 'it was fine' as a response. I used to get odd looks when my decline of vocalness started, but at this point, they didn't think anything of it. Dinner dismissed, and I retreated to my room. I clicked on my light and looked at the bland purple walls, the empty message board, the spotlessness of the whole area. I crawled into bed and put in my headphones. I was tired, and wanted sleep. I blared the music to the max and drifted into a dreamland. _

_ I woke and it was dark out, there was a piercing in my ears, that after a few seconds, and the emergence of an ache in my throat did I realize was once again my screams. My skin was layered in sweat and my hair matted around me. I clicked my phone, 3:12 am. Two and half more hours of possible sleep. But I knew that wasn't going to be possible. I couldn't remember the dream, but the way my pulse thrummed and the terror I had awoken with said it wasn't good. I was thankful I didn't remember this one. I don't need another unpleasant memory floating through my mind. Trying to clog my few last momentous and motivating outputs I had left. I didn't need further pollution of my head. I climbed out of my bed, which squeaked as I did it, I groaned at the irritating sound. Dragging to the bathroom I cranked up the hot water and looked at my haggard expression, my discolored face, my dull hair, my flat line of a mouth, my mouth had once been almost constantly turned upward in a toothy grin. I was easily amused and laughed a lot, but now it was such a rare occasion that the sound was foreign to my ears. I spent nearly an hour in the shower, tenderly cleaning my abused skin, before I got out. I glanced the mirror and saw the scattered bruising across my body and shuddered. I dressed myself in my standard jeans and long sleeve shirt layered with a tee over it. It was 4:30. I applied what felt like pounds of foundation, merely to cover the various shades of blue on my face. I winced applying it to the newer stains of color on my face, the spots still quite tender to touch. _

_ My mornings were long, I always woke at early hours from nightmares I often couldn't recall. I had decided early on it was good I couldn't remember them. _

_ I pulled into the lot at school with five minutes before classes would start. Minimizing the time left to run into Jesse as much as possible. The fewer encounters, and the shorter, the better off I would be. I walked down to my locker, peering around the last corner, bracing myself for what I might see. What I saw didn't shock me, Jesse was leaning against my locker, eyes hard as the cold ground in the winter, the brown I had once thought was so warm, trying to burn a hole straight through me. I continued walking straight on to him, I bent down and opened my locker under his hating glare. Another girl came behind me, trying to get to her locker above mine, but Jesse was in her way. He shifted his gaze from me to her, and shifted his stance away from her locker. Instead of lingering as I had expected him to, he turned and stalked off. _

_ I gathered my thoughts, and my books, and walked off to my class. Taking a seat at my desk, I opened my notebook and scribbled the Prime time down. I walked to the door and threw away a sheet I had aimlessly drawn some fairly morbid sketches on, and proceeded back to my desk. _

_ "Hi there," I heard as I walked by a dark haired boy. I ducked my head, hoping I hadn't interrupted his conversation, and sat down as the final bell rang. The teacher called roll and went into his lecture. _

_ The next week passed, and the mind numbing census counts continued during second period. The following Monday, I went to APUSH first period, and Mr. Ragland handed me a piece of pink paper. _

_ "What's this?" I asked, a nervous tenor to my voice._

_ "Your new schedule." He answered. The final bell rang and everyone was in their seats except me. _

_ "Looks like Ms. Brandon won't be joining us in first period anymore." Mr. Ragland said to the entire class._

_ "Aww we'll miss you!" My gaze flicked to the voice, the brunette boy, smiling goofily, waved at me. I looked down at my schedule, and saw it had changed. A lot. _

_1st period - Calculus - Swanson_

_2nd period - French II H - Smith_

_3rd period - Study Hall - Yung_

_4th period - Guitar - Atenhan_

_5th period - English III AP - Yung_

_6th - AP Biology - Thompson_

_7th - AP United States History - Ragland_

_ I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out. I was unsure of what I was supposed to do, I went on to my calculus class and stood outside the door for a moment. There were pros to this surely, Jesse wouldn't know my schedule anymore. But how long really would it take him to figure it out again? I sighed and pushed open the door. Mr. Swanson looked up and smiled. He was always a cheery teacher. _

_ "Well look who we've got. Hi Alice!" My eyes scanned the class quickly, and I smiled when I saw I was in Bella's class now. She tapped the desk right behind her and I sat there. _

_ The bell rang and dismissed us. I stood and Bella turned to me._

_ "Why are you in first period now?" She asked. _

_ "Something about my french teacher going to the new school, so I got switched all up." I grimaced. Whenever something changed, it took me awhile to adapt and not try to do the old thing still. _

_ "That's fun." She poked me as we walked down the hall. _

_ "Haha no. I was just getting used to the people in them too." I frowned. I was also horrible with names. I pulled my dirty blonde hair out from under my backpack strap, it was pulling on it and it hurt. _

_ "Maybe you should get that cut." She laughed._

_ "I like it the way it is, and it's taken forever to get it here." I looked down at it, it went about halfway down from my neck to my waist, just below my breasts like a mermaid. _

_ "You look like a mermaid." I gaped at her. "What?" _

_ "I was just thinking that!" She laughed, with or at me I'm not sure. _

_ "Well I'll see you later." I waved at her and went to get my french stuff out of my locker. As soon as I retrieved it, the door slammed shut barely avoiding my fingers. I suppressed a growl of annoyance, and stood to my full, yet still un-intimidating height of five feet._

_ "Schedule change?" I turned on my heel and walked away from that black haired devil. I wasn't in the mood for his shenanigans right now, and there wasn't much he could do about my defiance in the open, people filled hallway. I would regret it later I was sure, but right now my confidence was high so I wasn't going to take it. I marched right on into my second period french class and ignored him. _

_ Study hall and guitar passed without event, I gathered my english stuff and walked into the classroom._

_ "Alice!" I heard a high pitched, male voice, shriek. I turned and saw the dark haired boy from APUSH. I gave what I hoped was a smile, but I couldn't tell if it was that or some sort of contorted grimace. He waved at me, a large gesture shaking his whole body, a wide smile plastered on his face. I gave a little shake of the hand to him, and sat down in the closest available desk before I did something to embarrass myself further. I don't like attention, and his shouting towards me made me feel like I was on the spot, and my face burned and my throat swelled with a nervousness I have never been able to explain. _

_ It was 5th period for english, so part of the class turned into study hall so it wouldn't get ahead of any of her other classes. I pulled out my ipod, a first generation touch, and clicked on my favorite band with the headphone in one ear. I started my homework for the day, calculus, and was scribbling down derivatives when he came over and tapped my ipod. _

_ "I have the same one. It's awesome isn't it." He was smiling again, I wondered if he ever didn't smile. It was good on him, he had gently dark eyes, hazel and warm. Green but not quite, enough brown to say they weren't purely green. His mouth was in a wide, perfect smile and his face, lightly stubbled, was pleasant to look at. _

_ "It's my best friend." I said. _

_ "What math is that?" _

_ "Calculus AB." I mumbled. _

_ "Dang girl you must be smart." _

_ "So they say."_

_ "You must be, APUSH, AP lang and calc. Missing any?"_

_ "AP bio..."_

_ "You are my idol. Well I'll see you." He turned and went to his own desk, laying down on it and sleeping. I felt bad that I didn't even know his name. I didn't want to ask and make it known I didn't know it either. I decided I would just pay attention when the teacher called roll the next day, try and figure it out from that. I was never good with names, it was a weak point, but I was fairly sure I hadn't even heard his yet. I turned my attention back to Calculus and attempted to do my assignment. _

_ I looked in the mirror, 5:30 am., and saw someone I hadn't seen in awhile, I saw myself. I saw someone with life in her eyes. I put on a dress, one I hadn't worn in god knows how long, and a sweater to hide the bruising that decorated my arms. I layered my makeup and straightened my hair, and passed as a female. _

_ I walked into Calculus and Bella looked at me and asked what was up. She knew I was never a fan of dresses at school, it was a hassle. I shrugged it off and replied best I could._

_ "I dunno, this morning just felt like dressing like a girl this morning." I smiled. _

_ "I don't wanna know what's got you up with the living today but I like it. Whatever is making you happier should stick."_

_ "I agree, if only I knew what it was." In all honesty I don't know where the change in attitude came from. It was just kinda there when I woke up this morning. I smiled and mindlessly chatted with Bella down to my locker, where to my pleasant surprise, Jesse was not. I broke out into a full out smile for the first time in what was probably weeks. _

_ I went on to through the day, and I chatted with Emmett during guitar. Guitar was an easy, mind numbing class. I never had to think, I could practice for three minutes and have the song down, leaving the rest to talk with Emmett, who just didn't practice really at all. Fourth ended and I went on to fifth. I went to my locker, always the nerd who comes to class prepared, and saw nameless boy right next to my locker. Lockers were divided in half, bottom and top. I had a bottom locker, he had a top one that was to the left of mine. I bent down to get my book, wary of any action my skirt was doing, closed my locker and walked on to class. I was standing by my desk when he walked in. He smiled at me and walked over. _

_ "You look adorable." He said with that full grin on his face, and patted the top of my head in a gesture that, with anyone else, would have felt awkward. It only made me feel childish. I smirked nevertheless and accepted his compliment, or what I assumed was a compliment anyway. _

_ "James!" His head snapped around towards a guy out in the hall. He made a girly little squealing sound and ran out and hugged the guy. They talked quite animatedly until the two minute bell rang and they each retreated to their respective classrooms. _

_ I flipped open my computer as soon as I got home, my solace, my haven, my one day husband. I got on facebook to do some catching up. I had a few unattended friend requests that I responded too, and I saw on the side of my wall, suggestions for friends. I requested a few I knew from school, each one I clicked vanishing and becoming a new one. _

_ James Brandon. I clicked on it, and saw surely enough it was James from english. Why not? I clicked request to become friend. I continued surfing facebook and other internet sites I frequent and a few moments later my phone buzzed with a notification someone had posted on my wall. I looked and blushed when I saw it. _

_ James Brandon: Hey Cutie! _

_ He was nice. The nicest person I had met in a long time. It was cool to meet a decent human being again. Well, as far as I knew he was decent. *Ding* I looked back at fb and saw chat had opened up with James. _

_ James: What's up?_

_ Alice: Internetting. You?_

_ James: Just got home from the football game. Tiiired!_

_ Alice: How'd it go?_

_ James: The perfect game! like, I cant think it going any better_

_ Alice: Awesome! I didn't go, I had too much to do._

_ James: I see I see. Well its all good _

_ Alice: My sister went to summits game and said they were losing 30ish to nothing when she decided it was time for me to pick her up_

_ James: haha thats sucks_

_*that sucks_

_oh well_

_they are a great school_

_ Alice: She got really bored watching_

_ James: Ya I bet._

_so how are you?_

_hoes school going?_

_hows*_

_ Alice: Apush is killing me, and everything else is ok I suppose. I took too many hard courses. How bout for you?_

_ James: I actually love apush. And ap english kicks butt!_

_I'm liking all my classes but chemistry._

_ Alice: Who do you have for chem? I am just not good at history so I'm dying with everything APUSH is._

_ James: well so far we haven't like essays or tests, just note taking which is weird._

_ Alice: Yeah, that's not going to go over well when we do_

_ James: And i have the bowling coach as my teaher... im not good with names. or spelling_

_ Alice: haha me neither. I had mrs. cotton for honors chem last year and I did not like her at all. _

_ James: Yeah they don't know how to teach_

_ Alice: It's not that she didn't know how, she just didn't_

_ James: exactly_

_but I have straight a's so I'm not going to complain as much_

_ Alice: I have all a's except dang ap bio right now. Stupid class..._

_ James: I see_

_regret taking it?_

_mr thompson right?_

_ Alice: Yeah him, it's not that I regret taking it, I just wish it didn't start out with biochem._

_I hate biochem_

_ James: Oh that makes sense well, then youre getting the stupid stuff over with_

_i had him for biology_

_freshman year_

_fell asleep every day_

_ Alice: He reAlice makes you wanna go to sleep. I am glad we're getting it over with, but it still sucks pretty bad_

_ James: you can do it_

_ Alice: thanks. I hope so._

_ James: well_

_im sure your sick of taking to the creepy guy in your english class_

_ Alice: I don't think your creepy, but I do need to sleep._

_ James: hehe_

_well have a wonderful night cutie_

_ Alice: you too_

_ I clicked the computer shut, and laid down for some rest. Until my nightmares sent me reeling into the realm of the living only a few short hours later. _

_ HOMECOMING _

_ The buzz of the week at school. I hadn't decided if I was going to go yet or not. I wrapped my hand around my foot and pulled down, burning in my muscles as I stretched by the football field. I hated this sport, but the people were amazing. They were kind, and the sport was a coping technique for me. The physical exertion reduced the stress level that, with every passing day I saw Jesse, raised higher and threatened the thread thin link between mind and body I had left, the last remaining link of my sanity that he was sawing away at, that everything in my life was destroying, what once was a shiny, impenetrable link, was now a rusted, mangled piece of metal that could snap between my fingertips. _

_ The coach called us in, to talk about the upcoming meet, and then set us loose. We ran down the long, downhill path to the prison, I mean, school. The way down was easy, it's when we would turn around and go up that damn hill that it near killed me. I ran along with freshman friend, Kate, and Ellen, whom I worked with. We ran together and where about half down the hill when I heard someone shout from a car._

_ "Hi!" I looked over, and saw James waving at me from his car. I waved, and knew my face depicted my confusion, but kept running anyway. Thursday, the long run. Probably about six miles. We ran down the road until the coach told it was time to turn around, and when we reached the hill, I was ready to collapse. I ran way too hard today, and when we reached the football field I felt my legs shaking under me. We stretched and then were dismissed. I climbed into my car, and drove home. _

_ I walked in the door, tossing my stuff in the floor and proceeding to attack my homework. I flipped open my laptop so I could type up my english analysis. English homework felt so repetitive, and I've always been extremely wordy with what I say, one reason for my typing homework. Also, my handwriting was always near illegible. I was amazed at teachers' ability to read it. _

_ *bleep* I flinched involuntarily, realizing it was actually just the computer telling me I had a message. I went over to facebook to see what it was. _

_ James: Hey cutie :) _

_ I smiled, everytime I got on it seemed like he messaged me. I liked talking to him, it was oddly carefree. _

_ Alice: Hey :)_

_ James: Whatsup?_

_ Alice: English homework. :P_

_ James: We had homework? :/_

_ Alice: Haha yes we did. _

_ James: Oh well. Are you going to homecoming tomorrow?_

_ Alice: I dunno. I don't really dance. :/_

_ James: I do. Mormons learn a lot of dances. _

_ Alice: And I know none. :) Idk, I would feel awkward going by myself. _

_ James: Then don't. :)_

_ Alice: Easier said than done. _

_ James: If you go, let me know. :)_

_ Alice: Why do you wanna know?_

_ James: If you go, I want to dance with you. _

_ Alice: Ok. _

_ James; You should go. ;)_

_ Alice: I guess I can go with Rosalie. She'd been pestering me to go anyway.._

_ James: Cool. :) Save me a dance?_

_ Alice: Of course. ;) I should go do my homework. _

_ James: Good luck. Ttfn. :]_

_ I signed off of chat and concentrated on my homework. Twenty five minutes later, I was finished with my homework. I went to my room and raided my closet, sadly realizing I had nothing to wear for tomorrow. I texted Rosalie. _

_ Emergen-c! Homecomin crisis!_

_ What the matta grl?_

_ No dress!_

_ Gotta car?_

_ You no it_

_ Let's go_

_ C u in 10._

_ I grabbed my wallet, and my keys, left a note for my mother, and ran out the door. I had only been to her house once, but I was fairly sure I could find it. I pulled up 8 minutes later, and she walked out the door. Rosalie was quite a bit taller than me, and a bit larger in size, but generally speaking I was petite. Just over 100 pounds and not even 5' tall. _

_ "Yo girl. Long time no talk?" She joked upon getting in my car. "Damn! This is much cleaner than Esme's!" She rambled on, and I nodded, urging her on. Rosalie was easy to talk to, a simply acknowledgment you were listening was enough to keep her going. She went on about her boyfriend, and school and her senior year. I smiled and half-listened. We pulled up to a little bargain store. "We gotta get a hotttt dress for you, you're so little though." I laughed, and locked the car. We browsed the dresses, not quite sure what size I even wore, we grabbed things that looked like they might fit. I'd gathered about twelve between the two of us picking, and went to try them on. "Are you going with someone Alice?" She asked. _

_ "Nah not really."_

_ "Gonna chill with us cool people then?" I could hear the smile in her voice. _

_ "That's the plan." The first dress swallowed me completely, and the second was unflattering, and that's about how it went. I eventually decided on a floor length dark blue dress, basic with a tie around the neck. It was long, but basic enough for it to not be deemed over dressed for homecoming. Rosalie pretended to fan herself and I giggled. We bought the dress for a mere fifteen dollars, and went to go grab some food at the high class food joint of our little town, for us teens anyway: taco bell. _

_ I walked into my house, seeing my mother was still not home, and my dad was still out of town. I took my note and ripped it up, tossing it in the trash. I trudged up the stairs, feeling the weight of the week on my shoulders, dragging me down. I turned the shower to max heat, and climbed in, feeling the heat pounded into my skin, achieving a small amount of relief with the pain. After a few minutes, the steam hindered my breathing, and I toweled off, drying my long blonde hair, and putting on my clothes for tomorrow. I tucked myself in under my covers, and prayed for a sleep not tainted with the stains of my present and my past. I knew the prayer was a waste of my time and that in reality no one was actually listening to me, but sitting at the edge of my bed, on my knees, pouring my heart to the stars, I couldn't help but feeling a small amount of relief. _


	3. Chapter 3

_I sprung up from my bed, miraculously to the sound of an alarm clock rather than to my own shrieking voice. I scanned my thoughts for the remnants of my dream, but instead, just found myself well rested, not at all tired, and not frightened. I felt strengthened. I got ready in record time, and ate breakfast, quite a change to my normal habit of skipping it. I packed a lunch, another abnormality. Often I didn't even eat lunch, I hid in the bathroom. _

_ I turned on the radio on my way to school, rolled down the windows, feeling oddly free for once since my life became a living hell. I pulled into my usual area to park in, realizing I had been singing to myself on the way over. I giggled, a foreign sound to my saddened ears. I slung my backpack over my should, and walked into school with an aura of confidence I hadn't felt in some time. I waved at some of my friends as I passed them in the halls, heading to my locker to drop some things off. I went to the cafeteria next, the morning hangout of Rosalie and the other bunch. She had pestered my about how I never came to talk to her anymore. I walked in and she shrieked, "Alice!" I smiled and went over. I dropped my backpack at the table where no one sat, the backpack graveyard it looked like. _

_ "Come to my locker with me," she said with extreme enthusiasm. She smiled and grabbed my arm, towing my off towards the senior hallway. She must have had coffee already. She was always overly enthusiastic when she had her coffee in the morning. "So how've you been girl? You hardly text anymore and this is the first time you've been to the cafeteria in like forever!"_

_ "Same old same old. Trying to get through these intense classes."_

_ "Oh I know! Senior year is not easy! I'm taking honors government and it's horrible..." She kept on, and I half listened. She drug me over to the junior hall too, walking to a teacher of hers from last her she wanted to say hi to. _

_ "Hey Alice," I heard, but it didn't register with my brain. I just kept walking with Rosalie. "You know someone just said your name right?" Rosalie said nudging my shoulder. _

_ "Wha-?" I turned around and saw none other than James, poking out of a classroom. _

_ "I didn't know you ran!" He said, smiling and sauntering over. _

_ "Yeah... I do cross country. But I hate running." _

_ "OMG is ms. Stanford the bitch your coach?" Rosalie asked, wide eyes. "She's so awful!" I laughed. _

_ "Yes she is, and she is pretty bad."_

_ "Well I'll see you in English cutie." I blushed and Rosalie and I continued down the hall, while James retreated the other direction. _

_ "Who is that? Do you like him? How old is he? Have you talked much? Why did he call you cutie?" Rosalie interrogated as soon as she thought we were far enough away. _

_ "He's James Brandon, he's in my english class, I don't know how old he is, we talked during english and on facebook, and he just kinda called my that. Did I get all your questions?"_

_ "Do you like him? Are you still with Jesse?" Her rapid fire continued, and I was thankful she was so absorbed in her questioning that she didn't see me wince when she mentioned Jesse. _

_ "I barely know him."_

_ "So what?! Love at first sight doll. He seems into you." She winked. "Maybe you could get some since gay-boy was, well gay as shit." I laughed. She always said Jesse was gay. "Him and turtle are gonna come out as lovers I swear!" She went on, but now that the topic was off of me, I relaxed and lapsed back into my dazed listening. _

_ The bell rang for us to go to first period, and I daintily walked in, my blonde hair swinging in its ponytail, my cargo pants swishing comfortingly around me. _

_ "Boo!" I said, giggling when I saw Bella was already in there. _

_ "Hello." She laughed. _

_ "Did we have homework?" I asked, eyeing her open book. _

_ "Yeah. I have no idea how to do it though." _

_ "Booooo." I smiled. "Of course, I didn't even try it."_

_ "How shocking," she replied sarcastically._

_ "You suck. I always did my homework in pre-cal."_

_ "By always you mean never."_

_ "We never went over it, and it in no way even resembled her tests and you know it. Her tests were random as crap," I laughed as I said that. Oh pre-cal. Such a useless class, as everyone agreed. _

_ "Did we learn anything at all in that class?" She asked. _

_ "Hmm... I'm gonna say... No." The late bell rang and class began. I poked her in the back for the whole class, and she humored me, enjoying the good mood I was in. _

_ Another bell, oh how I hated that my life was ruled by bells._

_ "I guess we should give that homework a try." She said as we left. _

_ "Like I have time for that, I have to work tonight." I stuck my tongue out. "I hate school night working. I don't sleep till like 2 am."_

_ "You don't go to sleep before then even if you don't have homework." She countered. It was true, I was a night owl completely. Nothing productive ever happened for me during the day. My mind was too scattered by all the things going on around me. I was ADD, I could be working on a problem intently, and the next thing butterfly! I could get distracted by a blank wall, and the scenario was worse in my own room, where near every inch of the wall was covered by my drawings taped to the pastel purple paint on all sides. _

_ "You know how I do. See ya later girl." I bent over to open my locker, replacing calculus with french in my backpack. As soon as my fingers were out of the way it slammed shut in my face. I scrunched my nose up and narrowed my eyes at the offender standing before me. I put my hands on my hips._

_ "What the hell was that for asshole?" I demanded. His eyes widened oh such a miniscule bit. His lips flattened further, turning closer by the second to a full on frown. _

_ "Don't you talk to me like that bitch." _

_ "Excusez-moi. I'm not a bitch bastard."_

_ "Show some damn respect whore."_

_ "I don't respect jerks who hurt and lie to those they 'love'." I put air-quotes around the word love, emphasizing my point. I don't know where this bravery came from, or the wild mouth. I never cussed. _

_ "You are a slut, and you Emmett show me respect."_

_ "Back off." I turned and walked in full view of the rest of the school, taking the long way to french, but the short way out of the conversation. I felt a gentle hand on my wrist, and I turned, following it up to the owner. _

_ "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." His brown eyes pleaded to me, melting my soul the way they did when we first met. "I was shocked, and I reacted badly. Please forgive me precious. I don't know what I'd do without you. Please say you'll forgive me." There was no anger, no hate, no bitterness. I couldn't help it. _

_ "Ok." I whispered. He smiled, releasing my wrist, leaning in and pecking my cheek, and I blushed like a middle schooler. He walked off without another word, and I walked on to my class, cursing myself for letting him get away with the way he treated me, again. It wasn't the first time he came pleading to me for forgiveness. And it wasn't the first time I forgave him for it. The first time he struck me, I had cried and ran. I said I would never forgive him, that I didn't deserve to be treated like that, that I was better than that, that I didn't need him if he was going to be that way, that I was dumping him the next day, that nothing he could say would change my mind. The following day, there was a six page letter in my locker from him that had brought tears to my eyes and had me running to him saying it was fine, it was okay, I loved him and it hadn't changed, but to never ever do that to me again. _

_ Since then, the pain escalated, and he just expected to be forgiven. Perhaps for good reason, since every time before I had forgiven him. What else would he expect?_

_ Second and third period passed, and I was on my way to fourth. On my way to guitar when I got yanked back by my backpack and felt the weight of someone's arm over my shoulder. I froze for a moment before I realized, that weight wasn't familiar. It was warmer, heavier than Jesse's. _

_ "How's your day been?" The smiling voice of James came with sweet relief for the ice in my veins. _

_ "Pretty boring, but better than usual." Why didn't I just say good? He smiled, something that warmed my blood more. _

_ "That's good." He lifted his arm. "Well I'll see you in fifth." He winked and walked off the other direction. I walked into guitar, stunned when I was wrapped in David's kind hug. _

_ "Hey shorty," He grinned, much like a cartoon in the way it was so much larger than life. _

_ "Hey weirdy." I couldn't make up anything more clever._

_ "So you in guitar then?" He asked._

_ "Nahhhh I just like coming in here to sleep." _

_ "Good place." He smiled, playing alone with my sarcastic comment._

_ "The best." I smiled too, he hugged my again as the bell rang, and then ran off to whatever class he was supposed to be in. David had the power to make you really tired with his energy level. He really did. I just felt my mood become lighter with his la-de-da attitude. It was borderline careless, but more free than anything. A mood I wished I could envelope in myself every day of my life, instead of the heavy burdensome mood my mind always forced upon me. I'd always heard happiness is in the head. So did that mean I wanted to be sad? I didn't believe that, I spent every second wishing I could be happy, like say James. Who every time I saw him was smiling like there was nothing wrong at all. Like his life was peachy perfect. I barely knew him, and yet, I wanted to be like him. I wanted to live life like he did. But who knows. It's said sometimes that, _

_ The prettiest eyes cry the most tears_

_ The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets_

_ The prettiest hearts have felt the most pain_

_ I second it. I smile for my friends and for my family, I cry myself to sleep and scream myself awake. It was miserable, and no one knew it. Oddly, was the way I wanted it too. I didn't want to be pitied, which I knew I would be. I didn't want to be asked if I was ok, cause I never was, and I didn't ever want to talk about why. I didn't want to be the center of attention, "oh there's the girl who's boyfriend hit her." Scandals were wild fire here. If something bad happened, everyone, even me, found out about it somehow. I tuned my guitar absently, all the while the thoughts ramming through my brain. I set it down, and curled up in my chair. Sitting on the back with my feet in the seat. My headphones plugged in now, blasting the songs of my life I had specifically chosen for the playlist. Emmett made his loud entrance right as the late bell rang, as usual. His cheery self waltzing into the room. His wannabe gangster look in dark sweats below the ass and sunglasses indoors. I turned down the volume of my music so I could hear the outside world. _

_ "Awww Alice! You look so cute!" He whipped his iphone out of his pocket and I smiled at the comment. My smile faltered slightly when he decided to take a picture, I always hated pictures. I felt so naked, like they camera could see everything people couldn't. He gave me a puppy look, and I couldn't help but giggle. "A-hah! I made you laugh." He smiled, a smile that bordered creepy and hystEdwardal at the same time. We settled into class, sharing banter as we did the lesson, empty words I didn't remember ten minutes later. But it was easy for me. The meaningless conversation was peaceful, it was normal, it was everything my life couldn't be. The bell rang, and we left for fifth period. He grabbed my backpack, pushing my ahead of him in the crowd like a human bulldozer. I laughed and giggled as we fought through the crowd of faceless people. _

_ We reached my english classroom, I skipped in, threw down my backpack, and ran back into the hall where he was waiting. We walked to my locker, the hallways much emptier than before, and chit chatted about more random stuff. I twirled my hair around my finger, eyeing the ugly dirty blonde color of it. I bent down to my locker, jangling in the combination. _

_ "Alice!" Cried a high pitched, near feminine voice, I ignored it, simply smiled to myself. _

_ "Yo, I think someone called for you." Emmett said tapping my shoulder. I shut my locker, my english book tucked in my arm, and saw James, smiling, as usual. I fumbled for a word to say, and unintelligibly muttered hey. I pushed Emmett and we walked to my class. _

_ "Soooo." He said. _

_ "Sooo?" I repeated._

_ "Who dat?" He smiled, waggling his eyebrows. _

_ "Silly boy in my english class."_

_ "Really? Like for realz? Or like, silly boy I likey but don't talk to?" My face flamed. _

_ "I talk to him," I stammered out._

_ "Really?" _

_ "Sort of... Mostly over facebook..." I trailed off, I was only good at online conversations, when I had time to monitor my mouth. _

_ "Well I'll see you later." He looked around, falsely pretending secrecy. "You should talk to him." He smiled and trotted off in the direction of his own class. I sighed, I'm just not good at it. I recalled part of our conversation the other day. _

_ Alice: I hate these classes. I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up for them. I. Want. Out. So. Bad!_

_ James: But then you wouldn't get to see me. :(_

_ Alice: Maybe I would keep ap lang then. _

_ James: Too bad you never talk to me. :(_

_ Alice: Sorry. It's just not something I'm good at..._

_ James: Nothing wrong with that. I'm nervous talking to you._

_ Alice: Why?_

_ James: I always get nervous talking to pretty girls._

_ Alice: I just get nervous in general. Maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow?_

_ James: Good luck. :)_

_I'd love to talk to you._

_ Alice: I'd love to talk to you too._

_ I walked into english, slipping past James's desk, slinking into my seat, and getting out my english book. Fifth period was divided into four sections. 1st through 4th lunch. The teacher taught during 1st and 2nd lunch, we had study hall during 3rd, and we went to the cafeteria for lunch ourselves during 4th lunch. Class was boring, we read articles from our book and discussed them, or rather, the rest of the class did and I listened to it. I didn't enjoy talking, I was too self-conscious to voice my own opinion. I always felt like what I had to say wasn't important, or was silly, so I kept it to myself. _

_ The bell rang for third lunch to begin, and half the class left for various things they did: library, student aid, tutoring, finish a test, etc. I considered putting in my headphones like usual, but instead, I sucked in my breath and walked over to the desk next to James's and sat down. _

_ "Heya." He said, smiling at me. _

_ "Hey. How ya doing?" How original, I chided myself. Could I be any more boring?_

_ "Tired." Yawning for emphasis, and I giggled. That's not funny! _

_ "You should sleep more then." Way to sound like his mother._

_ "So should you," he said poking me. I batted his hand aside, laughing. _

_ "I'm a night person. I enjoy it."_

_ "So am I. I just don't handle it well the next day."_

_ "I'm better on fewer hours of sleep I think."_

_ "Wow you're lucky then." I pulled my sleeves down around my hands, fidgeting with the fabric of them, needing something to occupy the nervous tension that was radiating off of me as obvious as a heat lamp in the snow. _

_ "Yeah I wouldn't call myself lucky per say." I mumbled out. He quirked his eyebrow at me, but I said no more. It wasn't necessary to tell someone who was little more than a stranger to you every one of your problems, every plague of your life, to be honest, I didn't think anyone needed the burden of knowing what went on in my life. The only people that need to know are the ones it concerns: and that is only Jesse and myself. He gave a concerned type look, but didn't pry. _

_ "Soooo homecoming? You goin?" He nudged my shoulder and I giggled_

_ "I guess so. I can't find a good reason why I shouldn't." Honestly, I could. Jesse. Jesse. Jesse. Oh and Jesse. I would go with Rosalie._

_ "You should save me a slow dance." His hazel eyes burned into mine, making my blood rush furiously to my cheeks. _

_ "Ok." I managed to get out. _

_ "I'll get there late though, I have band stuff."_

_ "I'm going with a friend, the single girls." I laughed at my own statement, not that it was even that funny. Rosalie was recently single, finding out her douche bag boyfriend cheated on her she dumped his ass hard. So we were the 'single' ones. I considered myself single, I did not categorize Jesse and me as in a relationship, not that kind. That would imply I liked him. I didn't like him, I hated every cell that made up every feature of him. _

_ "You're single? How is that possible?"_

_ "I'm a weird freakazoid. Nuff said." I crossed my arms over my chest, closing off the topic. _

_ "I don't think you're that weird." _

_ "Gee thanks." I mumbled sarcastically. He rested his cheek on his knuckles looking at me, feeling like he was gazing right through me. _

_ "I thought you were with that Jesse guy." My back went ramrod straight in my seat. Second by long second I regained my composure, and managed a literate response. _

_ "No." _

_ "You ok?" I realized I was scowling a hole in the wall. _

_ "Fine."_

_ "Sooo... Homecoming?" He quirked a smile at me. I blew out a long awaited sigh. _

_ "I already answered that."_

_ "Definitive?"_

_ "Ok yes. I'm going. Happy?"_

_ "Yes." I smiled in spite of the previous conversation, suddenly feeling lighter, amazed at the way he was able to make me feel. It was something I wasn't sure if I liked it or not yet. Every time someone came into my life they left. I didn't want another one of those. I couldn't break myself any further, or there weren't going to be enough pieces to fix me again. _

_ "Good." The bell rang, sending us to lunch. "I guess I'll see you tonight then." I mumbled, feeling the butterflies take flight as I realized what I had gotten into. I grabbed up my backpack and walked out the door. _

_ "Boo!" I jumped back, my heart pounding in my chest though I knew it was just school, and I wasn't in any real danger here. "Whoa you ok?" _

_ "Yeah... Fine." I stuttered out. To be plainly honest, I was afraid it was going to be Jesse. I was thankful though, that I was wrong. It was only James. He reached out to put his hand on my shoulder, and I flinched, his hand faltered for a moment, then took laid in what was supposed to be a reassuring gesture, but only made closed up my throat and made me feel pathetic. I shrugged off his hand, hating the sympathy I could feel exerting from him. I knew it wasn't meant to make me feel worse about myself, but that was how it made me feel. _

_ "Hey hey hey," he cooed, "what's wrong? I didn't mean to scare you like that, I'm sorry." My throat was tight, and I struggled to maintain regular breathing. It still came out in shudders. _

_ "I'm fine." I choked out. Why was this so hard? To simply get out a few words to this boy. Why did I feel like breaking so bad? Because I knew he thought I was weak? I knew he thought I was scared? I knew he thought I was a wreck, not worth anyone's time? That I'm damaged? I felt like he knew me, like he saw through me, I felt vulnerable and I felt naked. I felt like I had no secrets left. Secrets were all I had in my life anymore. I didn't know what I would be without them. _

_ "You don't seem fine." I broke out a smile, albeit forced, but as legit as I could muster. _

_ "You don't know what fine looks like for me." _

_ "I don't think it looks like you're gonna jump outta your skin." _

_ "What do you expect when you're creeping behind a wall on an unsuspecting little girl?"_

_ "Way to make me sound like a pedophile." He falsely frowned at me, after one mere second he broke out into a smile again. "I have been told I look forty."_

_ "No way! You don't look forty! You look... sixteen."_

_ "Yay!" He squealed, I burst out laughing at the feminine cry he let out. _

_ "You have a cute laugh." My face burned and I quit laughing, feeling self conscious of my laugh all of a sudden. "Don't stop. You look happy. I like it when you're happy."_

_ "Me too."_

_ "And I'm happy I don't look forty!" He waved his hands about in excited motions. _

_ "People keep telling my a look twelve."_

_ "With a body like that? Nope. Not like any twelve year old I've seen." I felt my whole face and neck burn scarlet. If there was anything that was a surefire way to fluster me, it's my physical appearance. My blonde hair was stringy and thin, frizzy and curly but always forced into submission by the heat of the flatiron, my brown eyes were boring even when lined with the ideal colored makeup, my face pale even with foundation, my height bordered on a mere five feet, I was clumsier than sin, my lips were near always chapped, my waist was a size 1 but I had small proportions, I didn't have long legs, I hardly had curves, and my thighs were on the larger side. "Did I embarrass you?"_

_ "Uh.. duh." I scuffed my feet on the ground, and started walking toward the lunchroom, James in tow right beside me._

_ "Why?"_

_ "Why do you think?"_

_ "Why does your body embarrass you?"_

_ "It just does... and I got to go." I sped up my gait and slipped into place beside Edward at the table. I was quiet throughout lunch, and Edward seemed to sense I wasn't one for conversation today. He was empathetic, he could always tell what someone was feeling, very in tuned to emotional responses. _

_ I drove home in a daze, one second I was driving down the path to the main road, the next I was pulling into my driveway. Stanford decided she was going to cancel practice this morning, thankfully. I couldn't take getting up that early today. Every Friday was morning practice. 5:55 at the front of the school. Too damn early. I unlocked the door, throwing down my backpack on the couch and grabbing an apple from the counter. I sank my teeth into the crisp skin of it, thinking about my night. Homecoming is tonight. I chewed the bite around in my mouth. Homecoming is tonight. I swallowed it, as well as the rising lump in my throat Homecoming... Is tonight... I set down the apple, and sank to the floor. Jesse, James, Rosalie. Dear lord, how am I gonna handle this night..._


End file.
